It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
