make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
