i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize