Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was CRYING into my vagina
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
