The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
