I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
