sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
