And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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