She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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