You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sobbing to NWA
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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