I love black thongs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
