Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
