3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
