and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do vagina's smell?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize