Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can't special order awesome
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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