ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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