Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
