we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
