just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
