we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize