why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
