He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
