2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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