she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
