he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
