id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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