Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Acid is not a monday night drug
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
