I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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