dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
