I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
