I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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