i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Two words: blizzard sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
