he looks like a really good dad on facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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