I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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