I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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