Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
