I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
