My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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