she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize