Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
