Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
