I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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