Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Randomize
