I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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