You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
