i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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