if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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