Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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