i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
