One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
