I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
