that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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