I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
