first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
