she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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