Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
