I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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