Porn is love you can see.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
