yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
