Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
