So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is wine microwaveable?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
