i was rollin on her like bob the builder
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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