my being single is dangerous.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
