How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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