I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
