dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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