i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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