theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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