Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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