He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
