I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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