high people should be assigned attendants
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize