So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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