my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
