You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
