My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
