im gay
i know
yea but for you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
