This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My dick has a subreddit
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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