Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize