theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
