They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
