didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just pee around me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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