Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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