I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
