Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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