so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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