Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
