dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drunk walkin through police station. America
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
