I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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