she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Still dying that you shit outside
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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