Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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