oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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