you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
