I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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