we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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